32 flavors

squint your eyes and look closer
i'm not between you and your ambition
i am a poster girl with no poster
i am thirty-two flavors and then some
and i'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cuz someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

both my parents taught me about good will
and i have done well by their names
just the kindness i've lavished on strangers
is more than i can explain
still there's many
who've turned out their porch lights
just so i would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
til i'd passed and left them alone

and god help you if you are an ugly girl
cause too pretty is also your doom
cuz everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a phoenix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying past

i never tried to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and i would like to state for the record
i did everything that i could do
i'm not saying that i'm a saint
i just don't want to live that way
no, i will never be a saint
but i will always say

squint your eyes and look closer
i'm not between you and your ambition
i am a poster girl with no poster
i am thirty-two flavors and then some
and i'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cuz someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said

not a pretty girl

i am not a pretty girl
that is not what i do
i ain't no damsel in distress
and i don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
wouldn't you prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten
stuck up a tree somewhere

i am not an angry girl
but it seems like
i've got everyone fooled
every time i say something
they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer
you were dirty
and smiling

and i am sorry
i am not a maiden fair
and i am not a kitten
stuck up a tree somewhere

and generally my generation
wouldn't be caught dead
working for the man
and generally i agree with them
trouble is you gotta have yourself
an alternate plan
i have earned my disillusionment
i have been working all of my life
and i am a patriot
i have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are
no damsels in distress
what if i knew that
and i called your bluff
don't you think every kitten
figures out how to get down
whether or not you ever show up

i am not a pretty girl
i don't really want to be a pretty girl
I want to be more than a pretty girl

shy

the heat is so great
it plays tricks with the eye
it turns the road to water
and then from water to sky
and there's a crack in the concrete floor
and it starts at the sink
there's a bathroom in a gas station
and i've locked myself in it to think

and back in the city
the sun bakes the trash on the curb
the men are pissing in doorways
and the rats are running in herds
i got a dream with your face in it
that scares me awake
i put too much on the table
now i got too much at stake


and i might let you off easy
yeah i might lead you on
i might wait for you to look for me
and then i might be gone
there's where i come from and
where i'm going
and i am lost in between
i might go up to that phone booth
and leave a veiled invitation
on your machine

and you'll stop me, won't you
if you've heard this one before
the one where i surprise you
by showing up at your front door
saying let's not ask what's next,
or how, or why
i am leaving in the morning
so let's not be shy

the door opens
the room winces
the housekeeper comes in
without a warning
i squint at the muscular motel light
and say, hey, good morning
as she jumps her keys jingle
and she leaves as quickly
as she came in
and i roll over and taste the pillow with my grin

well, the sheets are twisted and damp
the heat is so great
and i swear i can feel the mattress
sinking underneath your weight
oh sleep is like a fever
and i'm glad when it ends
and the road flows like a river
and pulls me around every bend

and you'll stop me, won't you...

both hands

i am walking
out in the rain
and i am listening to the low moan
Of the dial tone again
and i am getting
nowhere with you
and i can't let it go
and i can't get through...
the old woman behind the pink curtains
and the closed door
on the first floor
she's listening through the air shaft
to see how long our swan song can last
and both hands
now use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
i am writing
graffitti on your body
i am drawing the story of
how hard we tried
i am watching your chest rise and fall
like the tides of my life
and the rest of it all
and your bones have been my bedframe
and your flesh has been my pillow
i've waiting for sleep
to offer up the deep
with both hands
in each other's shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
and i'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
and when we leave the landlord will come
and paint over it all
and i am walking
out in the rain
and i am listening to the low moan of the dial tone again
and i am getting nowhere with you
and i can't let it go
and i can't get though
so now use both hands
please use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
i am writing graffitti on your body
i am drawing the story of how hard we tried
hard we tried

wish i may

i'm losing my love of adventure
i'm losing all respect
for me and myself tonight
i wonder what happens if i get to
the end of this tunnel
and there isn't a light
i've worn down the treads
on all of my tires
i've worn through the elbows
and the knees of my clothing
and i'm stumbling down
the gravel driveway of desire
trying not to wake up
my sleepy self-loathing

do you ever have that dream
when you open your mouth
and you try to scream
but you can't make a sound
that's everyday starting now
that's everyday starting now


don't tell me it's gonna be alright
you can't sell me on your optimism tonight
it's a stiff competition
to see who can stay up later
the stars or the street lights
and all they really want
is to be alone with the darkness
no more wish i may
no more wish i might

it takes a stiff upper lip
just to hold up my face
i gotta suck it up and savor
the taste of my own behavior
i am spinning with longing
faster then a roulette wheel
this is not who i meant to be
this is not how i meant to feel

i don't think i am strong enough
to do this much longer
god, i wish i was stronger
this song could never be long enough
to express every longing
god, i wish it was longer...

untouchable face

think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
i don't want nobody to follow me
cept maybe you
i could make you happy you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do

tell you the truth i prefer
the worst of you
too bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it but
you're perfect together

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
and who am i
bet you can't even tell me that much


two-thirty in the morning
and my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
a safe haven of sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down
the top 20 country songs
and out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
y'know, i don't look forward
to seeing you again soon
you'll look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
and i won't know what to do
and i won't know what to say

except fuck you...


i see you and i'm so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a changing constellation of balls as we are playing
i see orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of saying is fuck you...

cloud blood

i've been wondering what you meant when you asked
do you have a light?
i've been wondering where you went when you left
that party that night
cloud blood smudge smeared on the sky
it's dawn's roadkill
i've been driving since midnight
and i'm driving still

stop on the top of the ridge just to feel the wind
on my rand mcnally
then i feel the air go cold as i drift in
to the first blue of the valley
you're wondering how far down you are
on my call back list
but you don't realize everytime i find i'm by a phone
the landscape shifts

every other song someone's trying to write angels
into the world
every grace, every ace every near miss
every decent kiss by a pretty girl
she was an angel
she looked like an angel
and all of the angels did sing
the angels were watching
and the angels were listening
and the angels were on hand
to stand in for everything

you can call it magic
when a man pulls a rabbit out of a hat
but the reason i don't call is cuz i wonder
if there isn't a better word than that
and you can call me crazy
but i think you're as lazy
as white paint on a wall
and i know you'll only speak to me in dial tones
if i call

it's been way too long
since i've been behind the wheel
headlights guiding me through the dark i feel
dry eyed trying hard to resist
sleep's first kill
everytime i have time to think
i think of this

back back back

back, back, back
in the back of your mind are you learning an angry language?

tell me, boy
boy
boy, are you tending to your joy, or are you just letting it vanquish?

yeah, back, back, back
in the dark of your mind where the eyes of your demons are gleaming
are you mad
mad
mad about the life you never had
yeah, even when you are dreaming?

who are these old, old, old people in these nursing homes
just scowling away at nothing?
like big rag dolls
just cursing at the walls and pulling out all of their stuffing

yeah, every day is a door leading back to the core
yes, old age will distill you
and if you're this, this, this full of bitterness now
some day it will just fill you

when you sit right down in the middle of yourself
you're gonna wanna have a comfortable chair
so renovate your soul
before you get too old
cuz you're gonna be housebound there

when you're old
you fold up like an envelope
and you mail yourself right inside
yeah, and there's nowhere to go except out, real slow
are you ready, boy, for that ride?

your arrogance is gaining on you, and so is eternity
you better practice happiness
you better practice humility
yeah, you took the air
you took the time
you were fed and you were free
you'd better put some beauty back
yeah, while you got the energy

you'd better put some beauty back
yeah, while you got the energy

back, back, back
in the back of your mind are you learning an angry language?

tell me, boy
boy
boy, are you tending to your joy
or are you just letting it vanquish?

yeah, back, back, back
in the dark of your mind where the eyes of your demons are gleaming
are you mad
mad
mad about the life you never had
even when you're dreaming?

grey

the sky is grey
the sand is grey
and the ocean is grey
i feel right at home in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way
i smoke and i drink
and every time i blink i have a tiny dream
but as bad as i am
i'm proud of the fact that i'm worse than i seem
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want
and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny thing will wash up on the shore
you walk through my walls like a ghost on tv
you penetrate me
and my little pink heart is on its little brown raft floating out to sea
and what can i say
but i'm wired this way and you're wired to me
and what can i do but wallow in you unintentionally?
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want
and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key will wash up on the shore
regretfully, i guess i've got three simple things to say
why me? why this now? why this way?
overtone's ringing
undertow's pulling away under a sky that is grey on sand
that is grey by an ocean that's grey
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key will wash up on the shore

beautiful night reckoning

instrumental

my iq

when i was four years old
they tried to test my i.q.
they showed me a picture of 3 oranges and a pear
they said, which one is different?
it does not belong
they taught me different is wrong
but when i was 13 years old
i woke up one morning
thighs covered in blood
like a war
like a warning
that i live in a breakable takeable body
an ever-increasingly valuable body
that a woman had come in the night to replace me
deface me
see, my body is borrowed
yeah, i got it on loan
for the time in between my mom and some maggots
i don't need anyone to hold me
i can hold my own
i got highways for stretchmarks
see where i've grown
i sing sometimes
like my life is at stake
cause you're only as loud
as the noises you make
i'm learning to laugh as hard
as i can listen
cause silence
is violence
in women and poor people
if more people were screaming then i could relax
but a good brain ain't diddley
if you don't have the facts
we live in a breakable takeable world
an ever available possible world
and we can make music
like we can make do
genius is in a back beat
backseat to nothing if you're dancing
especially something stupid
like i.q.
for every lie i unlearn
i learn something new
i sing sometimes for the war that i fight
cause every tool is a weapon
if you hold it right

buildings and bridges

buildings and bridges
are made to bend in the wind
to withstand the world
that's what it takes
all that steel and stone
is no match for the air, my friend
what doesn't bend breaks
what doesn't bend breaks

we are made to bleed
and scab and heal and bleed again
and turn every scar into a joke
we are made to fight
and fuck and talk and fight again
and sit around and laugh until we choke
sit around and laugh until we choke

i don't know who you were expecting
probably some bitch who does not budge
with eyes the size of snow
i may get pissed off sometimes
but you seem like the type to hold a grudge
and in the end, i just let go...

buildings and bridges
are made to bend in the wind
to withstand the world
that's what it takes
all that steel and stone
is no match for the air, my friend
what doesn't bend breaks

as is

you can't hide behind social graces
so don't try to be all touchy feely
cuz you've lie in my face of all places
but i got no problem with that really

what bugs me is that you believe what you're saying
what bothers me is that you don't know how you feel
what scares me is that while you're telling me stories
you actually believe that they are real

and i got no illusions about you
guess what i never did
and when i said
when i said i'll take it
i meant
i meant as is

just give up
and admit you're an asshole
you would be in some good company
and i think you'd find that your friends would forgive you
or maybe i am just speaking for me

when i look around
i think this, this is good enough
and i try to laugh
at whatever life brings
cuz when i look down
i just miss all the good stuff
and when i look up
i just trip over things

i've got no illusions about you
guess what i never did
when i say
when i say i'll take it
i mean
i mean as is

done wrong

the wind is ruthless
the trees shake angry fingers at the sky
the people hunch their shoulders
hold their collars over their ears and run by
it's a cold rain
it's a hard rain
like the kind that you find in songs
i guess that makes me the jerk with the heartache
here to sing you about how i've been done wrong

and i am sitting, watching
out the window of the coffee shop
and i am waiting, waiting
waiting for it to let up
i am rocking like a cradle
warming my hands with the cup in between
i am leaning over the table
holding my face over the steam

and before it gets so cold
that the rain turns to snow
there's just a couple things
i'd like to know

like how could you do nothing
and say, i'm doing my best
how could you take almost everything
and then come back for the rest
how could you beg me to stay,
reach out your hands and plead
and then pack up your eyes and run away
as soon as i agreed

it just all slips
away so slowly
you don't even notice till you've lost a lot
i've been like one of those zombies in Vegas
pouring quarters into a slot
and now i'm tired
and i am broke
and i feel stupid and i feel used
and i'm at the end of my little rope
and i am swinging back and forth about you

before it gets so cold
that the rain turns to snow
there's just a couple things
i'd like to know

like how could you do nothing
and say, i'm doing my best
how could you take almost everything
and then come back for the rest
how could you beg me to stay,
reach out your hands and plead
and then pack up your eyes and run away
as soon as i agreed

you had time

how can i go home
with nothing to say
i know you're going to look at me that way
and say what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time
and you had time

you are a china shop
and i am a bull
you are really good food
and i am full
i guess everything is timing
i guess everything's been said
so i am coming home with an empty head

you'll say did they love you or what
i'll say they love what i do
the only one who really loves me is you
and you'll say girl did you kick some butt
and i'll say i don't really remember
but my fingers are sore
and my voice is too


you'll say it's really good to see you
you'll say i missed you horribly
you'll say let me carry that
give that to me
and you will take the heavy stuff
and you will drive the car
and i'll look out the window making jokes
about the way things are

how can i go home
with nothing to say
i know you're going to look at me that way
and say what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time

deep dish

cold and drizzly night in chicago's deep dish
flourescent light of the bathroom
shows my hands as they are
see and eyelash on my cheek
pick it off and make a wish
and walk back out into the bar
wind at the windows
neon lights the patterned panes
the waitress wields the weight of her tray around her palm
the doorman cups his hands
and lights his cigarette again
and the rain marches on

this is only a possibility in a world of possibilities
there are obviously there are many possibilities
ranging from small to large
before long there will be short
before short there's nothing
when there was nothing
there was always the possibility of something becoming what it is

don't even bother trying to say something clever
clever is as clever does no matter what it says
i'm looking for a sign that says you're for real this time
but i don't trust what's in your head
i walk up to the bar and point at the top shelf
and then i throw my head back
and laugh at myself
i raise a toast to all our saviors
each so badly behaved
it's too bad that their world
is the one that they saved


there's a spider spinning cobwebs
from your elbow to the table
while my eyes ride the crowd in a secret rodeo
i smile with my mouth
lift my watch up to the light
and say oh, look, i have to go

now you gotta dance with me
now is when its gotta be
cuz i can't wait for the dance floor to fill in
and if you wanna dance with me
i'll show you how it's gonna be
cause i can't wait for the band to begin