hate me (medley)

mother: hi justin! this is your mother it is 2:33 on monday afternoon. i was just calling to see how you were doing. you sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. i just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. you know i love ya. take care honey, i know you're under a lot of pressure. see ya. bye bye!

i have to block out thoughts of you, so i don't loose my head
they crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
dropping little reels of tape to remind me that i'm alone
playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
there's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
an ounce of peace is all i want for you, Will you never call again?
and will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
and will you never try to reach me, it is i that wanted space

hate me today
hate me tomorrow
hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

i'm sober now for 3 whole months
it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
the one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing
that i won't touch again
in a sick way i want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
while i was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
you never doubted my warped opinoins on things like suicidal hate
you made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
so i'll drive so fucking far away that i'll never cross your mind
and do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

hate me today
hate me tomorrow
hate me for all the things i didn't do for you
hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

and when the sad hard eyes say bye to you and wave
kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that i have made
and like a baby boy i never was a man
until i saw your blue eyes cry and i held your face in my hand
and then i fell down yelling make it go away
just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
and then she whispered "how could you do this to me?"

hate me today
hate me tomorrow
hate me for all the things i didn't do for you
hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

razorblade

in the day by day collision
called the art of growing up
there's an innocence we look for in the stars
to be taken back to younger days
when there was no giving up
on the people we held closest to our hearts

yeah it is you that i remember in that glowing
it is you that took my first away from me
it is you i set my standards to... to every walk of life
i haven't met another you since you were with me

a brief bout with a razorblade cut me
i freaked out, thinking people didn't love me
i watched closely as the you i knew forgot me
in letting go, i am so proud of what i've done

in a way, i failed religion
i spit the wine from mouth to cup
and i reached for something more than just your God
uncle, you spared not your children
and while your praying hands are up
there's no forgiveness for you! you sick fuck!

it is you that i remember in their bedroom
it is you that took their first away from them
it is you they set their standards to
you wounded them for life
you were a preacher and suppose to be above men

sing with me
a brief bout with a razorblade cut me
i freaked out, thinking people didn't love me
i watched closely as the you i knew forgot me
in letting go, i am so proud of what i've done

ugly side

i must have sneezed
on knees i freeze
i mean i just choked up
but somehow i slept
i dream, i mean
i dreamt of nothing
i'm able to breathe
a sweet relief
now that you're here for me
a northern degree
dove into me
now i'm recovering

i only want you to see
my favorite part of me
and not my ugly side

hook up a c.b. wave a way
for conversation flow
i'm shoved in your cage, to wage this rage
don't let me go
a kick and a scream is all that seems
to mean a lot thus far
i won't let you on my stage, my page
you can't know
yet you have to know

so calm... (and its so calm)...
and now it's dark
i look for you to light my heart
i'm between the moon and where you are
i know... i can't be far

angel

i’m wishing the bath water clean
she hides in the back and is unseen
i take off the mask that surrounds me
look me in the face
what do you see
i feel like a boy the age of 13
my body grows up
but my mind stays the same
look me in the face
what do you see?

how do you tell an angel
that you don’t believe in god?
why do i feel
like such a stranger
i look around
i look around
and all my friends are gone

but oh would you be me?
because i would be you
oh you’d be happy
only if you wanted to
and oh would you trade me?
because i would trade you
oh you’d be happy
only if you wanted to

how do you tell your father,
that you want him to notice you?
why does this seem like such a bother?
when mom says you’d be better off dead
but i want to see you
i still want to see you
oh would you call me?
oh it’s not hard too
i’m the first one
oh you gave birth to
and oh would you write me
on my birthday
graduation, was yesterday
yesterday
oh…

how do you hold the special victim?
when they push you away
when they’ve been
raped on the inside
torn on the outside
the dirt and ugly from the stain that they try to hide
touched in private places
embarassed faces
to scared to ask for help
why

oh would you be me?
because i would be you
oh you’d be happy
only if you wanted to
and how would you treat me?
because i would treat you
you’d be happy
only if you wanted to

i’m wishing the bath water clean
she hides in the back and is unseen
i take off the mask that surrounds me
look me in the face
what do you see?

independently happy

i feel that it's hard enough to say goodbye
i feel there's the water. should i sink or dive?
an empty plate, fill up my sentimental morning star
i steal the art of putting truth in a lie
i still want the girl that really caught my eye
but, she lives in oklahoma city, far away from me
well then,an empty hope chest
i quit the dope quest
and remain independently happy

i said i'm finally happy, happy, independently happy

i deal with the fact that i've forgiven the worst
i feel that my social behavior may seem somewhat unrehearsed
another page
a sullen rage
and i'll be back to my normal self

i'm finally happy, happy, independently happy

i drive to the edge of my considerate plain
i apologize to the people i hurt on the way
but i wipe the slate clean
i kick the daydream
and remain independently happy

i'm finally happy, happy, independently happy

still broken

many times, many times
i fell in love with you and never showed it
another way, another way, another way, another way, to catch a sunny day, it only molded
i'd run a mile, run a mile, run a mile, run a mile, i'd run a mile for you blindfolded
and all the words, the words, the words, all the words that you ever said to me, will always be broken

so, i put away, put away, put away, put away the words you never said to me and the scar that's open wide
you turn away, turn away, turn away, turn away from me and never said good bye
and all the words, the words, the words, all the words that you promised me, were never spoken
and here i am, here i am, here i am, i'm not afraid of you, but still broken

a hey yah, a hey yah, a hey yeah i'm still broken
a hey yah, a hey yah, a hey yeah i'm still broken, broken, broken
broken

and if you looked into my dark, unhappy eyes, you'd see the tears that i'm choking
and if you touched, if you touched my heart you'd feel the pain i call hoping
and don't you know, don't you know i'd die for just a lie from you, yeah a token
and even though, even though i know it could never heal, my heart's still broken

a hey yah, a hey yah, a hey yeah i'm still broken
a hey yah, a hey yah, a hey yeah i'm still broken
she always said:
a hey yah, a hey yah, a hey yeah i'm still broken
she always said:
a hey yah, a hey yah, a hey yeah i'm still broken, still broken, still broken, still broken, i'm still broken