punk rock academy

i was fighting the mold in my bowl with my pee
when a thought popped into my head
if all of us hated high school so much
why was nothing ever changed?
so i called brian up with my plan that's red hot
a private institution in the name of punk-rock
we got some government funding & our own
private road & 666 for our radio snow code

i had a dream when i was in high school
that iattended the punk rock academy
I had a dream when i was in high school
i attended the punk rock academy

chris jensen's teaching science
& he's still running mountain
we fired the gun from bad religion cuz he
sold punk rock out & we'll give the dirty punks a
dip & get rid of all their fleas
and we'll never buy anything with a upc

i had a dream when i was in high school
i attended the punk rock academy
i had a dream when i was in high school
that at the punk rock acedemy no one made fun of me

at the punk rock academy
where all teh students, their diagnosed with a.d.d.
take me home tonight
i dont want to let you go untill the feeling's right
take me home tonight
i dont want to let you go untill the feelings right

we'll import a token jock & then we'll
kick his token ass & there will never ever be
a physical education class
think about, you'll agree. it's the bizzity
bizzity bomb & maybe we can get the f-bombs to
play the senior prom

i had a dream when i was in high school
i atended the ounk rock academy
i had a dream when i was in high school
that at the punk rock acedemy no one made fun of me

me and my black metal friends

in the mountains of Norway, where the weather is cold,
there's nothing to do, except kill each other, and play guitars in the snow

excluding the scary paper make-up that they wear,
they resemble ink and dagger, if ink and dagger had long hair

they're pretty evil, and they do not like god
i don't care if they burn down churches
but they'd better not fuckin' touch the synagouge

i befreinded them
bye bye mom, it's now me and my black metal friends
i befriended them
bye bye franklin, it's now me and my black metal friends

they have names like igor, helthor, angor
but then again, it's not exactly like "in living color"
i kinda hope they move here, so i don't have to pay import prices
but i'm kinda afraid that they'll move near me
because, they're not nice

i befreinded them
bye bye mom, it's now me and my black metal friends
i befriended them
bye bye franklin, it's now me and my black metal friends

come on, ilene

hats off to halford

when you think of a metal head tell me what comes to mind well maybe stone washed jeans a mullet a guy who is evolutionary one step behind well when rob halford came out of the closet it may have not been a big thing well today we are one step closer to hearing the metal dudes sing "i want to be i want to be a homosexual" statistics say chances of being gay are what one in ten that means there is a 40 percent chance that one of the guys in pantera likes men hey so i think its safe to say many more other metal guys are homosexual that may frustrate the gay community why would they want the ugly metal heads available see i old you metal dudes are gay too and i happen to see the proof so far that your sexuality determines the way you play guitar ew i'd love for everyone in heavy metal to be homosexual if not only to make the nazi fucking pricks in slayer a little uncomfortable

happy birthday ralph

alright, ralph...happy birthday...you freak...
you're breakin' hearts and you're breakin' guitars
today's your birthday and you don't even know how old you are
you're in love with every woman from tyler
you went swimming in the ocean with my goddamn dialer
you used to be fat, i think then i liked you best
cuz now you're skinny, i'm chubby, and you make fun of my breasts
and i'm sorry, but this may sound weird
but you gotta do something 'bout the food in your beard

happy birthday, ralph
i love you
even though you are fu?kin' disgusting
happy birthday, ralph
i love you
even though you are fu?kin' disgusting

you can't wear your bike hat because of your hair
wherever you go, u break everything everywhere
this year, sixth gear, now get on your way

some people, they think, they think you're rhastafarian
and they ask you for pot
i think i like it, i know i like it
i like it a lot because, because it pisses you off
so for your birthday
i got you some hawaiian punch on tap
age p.o.t.
so now you can stop borrowing my stuff
and trying your new kung fu moves out on me

happy birthday, ralph, i love you
even though you have a beard
happy birthday, ralph, i love you
even though you are perverted and weird

happy birthday, ralph, i love you

atom & his package

here is the tale of the boy standing in front of you
not one word is exaggerated -- entirely true
a four square in chemistry, my agenda tonight
as i rock the house left, and a i rock the house right

i can't fly, i can't dance
and i don't like any bands
listen up, cuz i am atom, i am the sequencing man
Where i want is where i go
i'm always armed with a burrito
listen up, cuz a am atom, i am the sequencing man

i travel the world with my band in a box
and i rock 10 times harder than your average punk rock band
i'm almost done, i'm almost through
i hope to god i'm not boring you
i often do the number 2
i am the always often pooping jew

i can't fly, i can't dance
and i don't like any bands
listen up, cuz i am atom, i am the sequencing man
where i want is where i go
i'm always armed with a burrito
listen up, cuz i am atom, i am the sequencing man

i can't fly, i can't dance
and i don't like your band
listen up, cuz i am atom, i am the sequencing man
where i want is where i go
i'm always armed with a burrito
pay attention, cuz i am Atom, i am the sequencing man

it's a mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad lib

this guy jeb is from outer space
he showed me a smelly peacock and he peeled off his face
so i confronted him, before he could hide
he looked nervous and asked "atom, wanna go on a space ride?"
the spaceship was ugly it had 17 wheels
there was a poster of larry bird fucking shaquille o'neal
there was a qy7 billion, that one that i want
and in the back ther was a taco bell restaurant

have you been to the place where i've already gone?
not even a hipster looks good with brand new sneakers on
the spaceship it goes round and round
and the alien weirdos go up and down
we're captured on a carousel of time
we can't return, we can only look behind

"oh poop" he sed he was visibly upset
he put down his apple omlette and ejected the diskette
he sed "the news is not good" he turned green
there was a giant potato hading towards us on the video screen

don't worry yourselves doodz, it turned out alright
im glad i didnt bring my 39 dildo's that night

pumping iron for enya

i joined a gym
although its not punk at all
but i gotta look good and lower my cholesterol
there's one girl i want to notice me
i'll have a slightly better chance if my body is buff you see
i'm being obsessive, B-E obsessive
her name is enya, for her, im running this mile
and it will upset my parents that i am stalking a gentile
i'm willing to do anything, i'll be her slave.
there's only one word difference in "new age" and "new wave"
we can sing it enya, your synthesizer or mine
it's all the same
and doesn't enya goren oronoco flow
like the perfect name?
so i joined a gym with my dad
we were both scared
and it's always pretty weird seeing your dad in his underwear
at the universal machine
i put the weight at 1 lbs. you see
i bench the thing up and down real fast and everybody envies me
you don't even know me enya
and i've only seen your face on the cover of your cd
i'm waiting for you enya, so please enya wait for me
your heart could fall for mine if you let it
i wrote you a love letter did you get it?
though i know this might sound strange
if you don't like who i am, maybe i can change

using the metric system

12 inches per foot two pints per quart why don't we make it easy? the english system of measurement must relate to history. we can use units of 10 and convert with ease like all the other countries. i am in command yes i am taking a stand from this disease we must be free. good god! you're drunk with your tradition that has no validity well i'm intoxicated with sports in metrics come drink a deciliter with me we want metrics we want it now we know we can win i weigh 170 pounds that's 90 kilograms see metrics can even make you thin all cool things are in metrics for example here's just one i've got my 9 well that's 9 millimeters, sounds cooler than my point two seventy inches gun. the president will not exist and they will call me communist and call me scum but its worth it canadians will think we are smart or at least they will think we are not as dumb. your tradition that has no validity well i'm intoxicated with sports in metrics come drink a deciliter with me we want metrics we want it now we know we can win i weigh 170 pounds that's 90 kilograms see metrics can even make you thin the revolution is here we must overcome at last as we symbolically stick their fucking foot up their fucking ass guitar! your tradition that has no validity well i'm intoxicated with sports in metrics come drink a deciliter with me we want metrics we want it now we know we can win i weigh 170 pounds that's 90 kilograms see metrics can even make me thin

i am downright amazed at what i can destroy with just a hammer

me and jan and brian bought a pretty little hole
it was cheapish and we split and we're fixing it up
so mr. sokol does everything rewires, fixes cracks
i can only break walls, moves stuff, and get snacks

and i am downright amazed at what i can destroy with just a hammer

nails in drywall, paint haul, blah blah
move in, no sink, new broom, i think
i bribed the garbage man!
i am a super bad boy again

and i am downright amazed at what i can destroy with just a hammer

brian, don't stay mad with us
come on, eat some food with us
we own a home together

and i am downright amazed at what i can destroy with just a hammer

shopping spree

flagstaff, arizona
two weeks on the road with sean
na
one day before we did play
we penned a song by us, for us
we didn't write the verse but we wrote the chorus:
i can't take it no more
so i'm going on a shopping spree
i can't save no money cause i spent it on a shopping spree
after the show, theres nowhere to go
everywheres packed with white baseball hat-ed frat boys
so we end up at this empty place, got a flaming doc
the dali llamas were the band scheduled to rock
benny na na looks at me
i think i hear what hes saying
"atom, do you hear what they're playing?!"
they're going shopping
so dali llamas...whatever
spelled salvador dali, and the animal...
how clever
you have a five string, fretless bass
you stole our song, now we rock your face

going to georgia

the most remarkable thing about coming home to you
is the feeling of being in motion again
it's the most extraordinary thing in the world
i have two big hands
and a heart pumping blood
and a 1967 colt .45
with a busted safety catch
the world shines
as i cross the makin county line
going to georgia
the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it's you
and that you are standing in the doorway
and you smile as you ease the gun from my hand
i am frozen with joy right where i stand
the world glows its' slide underneath your hair
40 miles from atlanta, this is nowhere
going to georgia, hahahaaa haaaa
the world shines
as i cross the makin county line
going to georgia, hahahaaa haaaa

upside down from here

from antartica to the polar caps
try to fit a big orb on a little flat map
i'm not going to drive this time
i love greenland when it's africa's size
north is not up
and east is not right
except for milwaukee wisconsin that night
i know what it feels like to be upside down from here
here is my arm
and it waves like a flag that reminds me than i have 2 arms and a map
from antartica to the polar caps
try to fit a big orb on a little flat map
i'm not going to drive this time
i love greenland when it's africa's size
north is not up
and east is not right
except for milwaukee wisconsin that night
so get a map and learn where you live at
i know what it feels like to be upside down from here
and if we met halfway in the middle of the planet
we'd just sit there and spin.
would that happen? can it!?
here is my arm
and it waves like a flag that reminds me that i have 2 arms and a map
i know what it feels like to be upside down from here

possession (not the one by danzig)

wall to wall, floor to cieling
i know, i know
my head's gone vertical
my bed's gone vertical
it's not symbolic
we're talking literal
one box
new zealand
australia
philadelphia
west coast of america
louis
darren
this is what you get
when my shit is piled high
and the top isn't what i need yet

steve says, 'there's refuge in corners.'
all my possessions in boxes

possession

tim allen is not very funny

instrument

philadelphia

i sit at rittenhouse park and see a guy from time
cycle give the finger to a passing motorist and it kind of makes me smile
this is the city of brotherly love and crime
and we only bombed our own city once, one time
i'll show you around the city and where you can't go after dark
and if skating's your thing I'll show you where you cannot skate in love park
the dialer doesn't work on any of our phones but here's the place that we call our home
philly's the place where the mummers are weird and i do not think the phillies have won in years i begged mayor rendell and the cops on the street
to have mercy on me and Jen and please blow up south street
philadelphia, get to know us
philadelphia, get to know us
the philadelphia party can go fuck its own face
and yeah sure we got our problems in dealing with race
the statue of william penn ... sitting all ...
well he's kind of a loner if you look at it from the right angle it looks like he has a boner
philly's the place where the mummers are weird and i do not think the sixers have won
in years i begged mayor rendell and the cops on the beat
to have mercy on me and jen and please blow up south street
philadelphia, get to know us
philadelphia, get to know us
hey brian, did you know cinderrella's from philadelphia
and we have uh Independence Hall here too yeah
but we also got frank rizzo and delaware avenue yeah!
philadelphia, get to know us
philadelphia, get to know us

anarchy means i litter

i got a patch. i got a pin. obtained political beliefs from the same songs as my friends. i got a five finger discount to the little record store, its easier that to get the stiff i want out. and if you want fair compensation for the work that you do, well then your greedy, get out, we have amazing names to call you. ever think that theres a difference who you're stealing from? so, fine, i'm not punk and you are (a moron). we're gonna tear this stupid city down. throw our trash on the ground. (whine whine whine when no bands come to town). liberate that bottle of malt liquor! oh, i get it. anarchy means that you litter (nice!). so, if you're flying the flag, and you're naming the name, then you're setting back the ones who know how to behave. it's a good thing this repleneshes itself, or who would be left to take advantage of your help? gonna drop our trash on you.

undercover funny

with a fellow
i run a record label
and its name is file-13
he's a tall dark
arkansas-ian motherfucker
and i couldn't say for sure
if he actually likes me
i guess its possible
i nag too much
and i get inside his head
he does make me laugh in his own special way
(hee hee) he likes the greatful dead (thats not funny)
your undercover funny
your only funny
when i'm not around
with a marg marg beep beep
fun fucking footall now
i laughed out loud
reading a 'zine
with your bands interview
hey neat, if your listening to this song
your probably thinking about me
thinking about you
i know for a fact
he has a good sense of humor
i overheard him on the phone in the hall
but when he talks to me
he talks seriously
if he talks to me at all
wake up time for matt werth
pay our loan
talk to kurt

meatball

???